Her Preferred Poison
Whitewash.
White poison.
White venom.
White lines.
She never thought that there was a remedy to treat her sadness, depression, and despair. The days and nights of despair. Unable to control those bouts of self destruction.
The despair she felt where she did not think there would be relief in sight. So unreachable.
Her so called friend introduced her to this promise of relief from all the chains that painfully constrained her.
A promise that these heavy metal chains and shackles would be broken.
She is an adult and cannot blame her friend.
She could have always said no, yet she did not.
She has accepted full accountability for her actions.
She tried this promising elixir to heal her wounds and to uplift her. It was magical.
This white poison was inhaled easily to bring that relief.
Just a sniff through her nose.
A snowy, powdery substance.
Within in seconds, an exhilarating sense of happiness and joy.
A sense of power to conquer her demons. Not a care in the world.
Lost in an unimaginable bliss. Magical healing.
A delectable poison reserved for only a few. She embraced it.
Initially, she thought she had control over this substance.
No way of being addicted, she thought.
After absorbing this magical elixir into her body, she had a weapon to overcome her mental ailments. No more pain.
No more suffering.
All those mental afflictions that affected her life, disappeared.
Yet, she did not know it was only temporary.
The next day and the following days, her affliction returned to haunt her mind.
Feelings of hopelessness.
Feelings of despair and unhappiness.
Feelings of not wanting to be alive, of not wanting to be on this earth.
It was a crash!
She decided to try this magical panacea again.
The venom washed over her mind and life within in seconds.
No worries in the world.
Anxiety and depression were gone.
She felt so fabulously happy which was indescribable.
It would not be understood by others unless they ingested the same elixir.
White poison.
White venom.
No medications to compare to this miracle.
She found herself using it repeatedly and frequently.
It helped her escape from troubles she could not face alone.
No one around her, that were close ever imagined she was using.
She was good at hiding what she was doing to deal with life.
Her close circle of friends never imagined what she was doing. She became masterful at concealing her addiction.
Yes, it was an addiction.
At first, she thought this addiction was under control.
She did not think it was an addiction.
Just something to help her cope.
She was trying to rationalize that it was used to cope and not an addiction.
This white fine snowy powdery substance was adroit at lying to the user.
Gradually she realized that this substance had complete control over her life.
She wanted to be pain free.
Yes, it was cocaine.
She excused herself at times to powder her nose in the bathroom. She would return relaxed.
Smiling, relaxed yet with a rush.
Spent so much money on this expensive treatment.
Did not realize that slowly, she was going down a rabbit hole. Unaware that soon she would hit rock bottom.
This substance would take a toll on her physical body.
Loss of appetite amongst other things.
When she looked into the mirror, she saw the radical changes. She needed help.
Realized and accepted she was an addict.
She reached out to the medical community, and they were able to help her find the necessary resources to rid herself of this addiction.
Initially, she was hesitant, but realized that she could eventually lose her life.
She prayed so hard to the Divine, to help her through this process.
Of course Divine heard her.
The Divine did not judge.
She is not the first one or last to go through this experience in life. She finally had the courage to tell her beloved friends.
They all understood and offered her support and more love. It took some time, but she conquered this deadly habit.
This addiction.
Nonetheless, the temptations are still there.
She must fight that seduction tooth and nail.
Yet she remembers that this magic brew is not the treatment she needed.
It was vile and poisonous.
It was a serpent disguised as a promising tasty and healing fruit.
She realized it was not.
She is now dealing with her problems in a unique way. Therapy and friends that are only a phone call away.
At times, one walks through dark valleys in life.
These experiences are trials which will be lessons to learn in life.
Lessons so that we can appreciate the gift of life. She is fine now and basking in joy.
Her wish is to let others know that they are not alone. For others to seek help.
There is hope.
© Norman Rivera Gonzalez
